hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
