I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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