She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
