update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
