he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
