Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
