after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
