i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Let's get the cat blown out
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
