i was rollin on her like bob the builder
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
