I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
