yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
