Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
