How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Randomize
