I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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