Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
