Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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