need another drink. this is the easiest way
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
