if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
