i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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