i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
