i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
