I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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