You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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