If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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