so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
