Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
