hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
She needs sedatives and a leash
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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