Hey man sorry I got all grabby
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize