Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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