Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I forget how to act sober
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
