Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
