when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
