i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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