Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
