I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Ketchup is God's man juice
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
