I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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