If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
