How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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