it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
