I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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