You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
