Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
