hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
