This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I looked at my own cervix.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
