You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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