i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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