Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
