God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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