you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize