You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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