Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
