If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize