This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
