I'm so fucking centered right now
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
