who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
