I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I don't deserve a penis
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
