she smelled like a LAN party
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
