she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
