My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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