I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
