Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
