Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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