My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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