Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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