you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
