please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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