If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
