I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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