wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Let's paint friendship bongs
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
