Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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