Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
