That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
