she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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