i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
