I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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