I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
