Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
