This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
